I felt the trees passing, I felt their cries. I heard the grass weeping and I gasped at the words of the wind. The flowers sat gossiping and my fingers froze, I looked for music and found none. Quality had left with the road-runners.

I sat there wondering at the world and marveling at the actions of humans. Was I one of those too?!

Did you ever listen to the whispers of the rose to the daffodils? Or only to the songs of the trees. Or were you too busy yelling. I’ve been so close to losing you I’ve sincerely wondered if I would have anything to go back to left on my own. All my scrappy bridges caught fire ages ago. I don’t have a heart of my own to keep them whole.

I watched the people and couldn’t understand them. I watched you and couldn’t understand it. I watched myself and was more lost than ever.

I watched God and finally fell asleep. I didn’t take the time for the one thing that kept me dreaming though. I’m not that smart.

I can smell the grass in my memory-container sometimes and I smile in thinking about how it used to actually exist in my world. It’s like I want it gone but  at the same time I don’t know how to keep it around and exist without feeling. Exist without you. To live would be the greatest death of us all.

I don’t make sense to even myself and certainly not to the world, but therein lies my plight for which I fight for the right.

I caress your face with broken hands and smile in contentment with what I’ve been given. Two working legs.

Life throws some punches.
We're expected to roll.
Giving up, lashing out
are not options you know.

Expectations like gravy
poured on our souls
to grow up, move one
To do as we're told.

We aren't to ask questions
we aren't to defy
we are to be normal
diversity has died.

Help.

Children

Sometimes I feel like even though kids are the bluntest and least tactful of people, they have the least amount of issues..

Perhaps with age and the learning of “appropriate behavior” comes larger sensitivity and higher expectations of others.

Perhaps we could all learn a lesson or two from children.

Though they may be blunt, simple minded, selfish, and naive, they seem to have much much larger capability to be accepting, get over fights, move on with their lives, be forgiving, non-judgmental, and always say what they mean. They put on an act for no one, and don’t ever suspect people of putting on an act for them. No pretenses, racism, favoritism, or prejudices.

Again, the world could learn a lot from children.  

Nobody possesses power. We only posses the illusion of it.

Bounce.

Bounce.


Bounce is a word, much like bubbles, free, play, bunnies, wiggle, skip, twirl, pretty, lights, hop, or pep, that doesn't usually come up in a negative conversation.

I was just kinda sitting here thinking about the fact of how our very speech and choice of words changes with our moods.

For instance: how very likely are you to use the word 'bounce' when in an argument with someone?

It's just kind of interesting, how many things change with our attitudes: Like our speech, our tones, voice inflections, word choices, clothing, emotions, effort, music preferences, etc... Your attitude just seems to affect so much of your life! No wonder God stresses it's importance.

The thing is: it's a choice. Of course I mean it's not your fault if outside circumstances make you sad or tear you down. It's going to happen.
But then again, after the initial shock, you do have a choice. A choice to dwell on the negative or positive. 

You can't choose what happens to you in your life, but you can choose how you react to it. 

And that's where God comes in. So often we end up lost, stuck, or depressed because we tried to make things better on our own, when all we really have to do is release our problems to God, trust in Him to work them out, and continue our lives. I feel like this last step is an important one people often leave out. Sure we talk a lot about giving our problems to God and trusting Him, but we never really speak of the next step. Which, I believe, is not just waiting around for life to be perfect again. Because, I hate to break it to you, but it wont be. Things will still be stinky sometimes. But it's the choice to move on, to get through it, even after life has taken you down, even after you've given it all up to God. To just take each day, giving thanks for it and living it to the best of your ability, focused on loving God and others, not wallowing in the tears of the past. That's the way to live.

I wrote such a long post a while ago about the difference between happiness and joy. Basically saying essentially how while happiness is a fleeting emotion that comes and goes, Joy is a choice we make daily to rejoice and give thanks in the midst of our extenuating circumstances.

But all that talk matters most when things get tough. When life comes around full force to knock you down. When there's something around, everyday, bad enough to make you break down in tears. That's when it counts to rejoice. That's when it counts to stand up, face your challenges, and declare that your God is bigger.

Not to talk about it, not to hear about it, not to think about, not to know about it, but to do it.

To Bounce. Even when your world is falling apart.

I'm not very smart...

Some people would say I'm a smart person. I wouldn't agree. In terms of what the world deems 'smarts' I have relatively little. I do average school work, get pretty good grades just because I do my work, and I have probably very very little street smarts.

I'm not the brightest bulb in the world, because it's not what I seek after. I seek after wisdom. And yes, there is a difference.

I may not be able to tell you the answer to a complicated algebra problem or all of what makes up a cell, but I can talk about God for hours.

I may not be able to tell when someone is joking or not, but I have the discernment to see if what they genuinely say in all seriousness is from the Lord or not.

Just things like that. My wisdom doesn't come from anything I could learn in school, but by simply reading the word and seeking after what God has to say. Listening to Him. Letting Him be my teacher. It's definitely the 'smarts' I'm looking for.

But you know whats incredibly fascinating to me??? The more I seek wisdom, the more God teaches me about love.

Now I know, I know I harp on this a lot. But it's only because the deeper I go with Christ the more He simply reveals to me about the concept of love.

It's not an earthly concept. It's most definitely not a human idea.

Love was around before the earth was around. Love was around before anything was around. You know how?

God is love.

So, in a way, He has been teaching me about Himself. But I'm getting ahead of myself, let me tell you a bit about what I've learned recently. :)

Love drives us. The need for love, the ability to love, the unnatural way we defeat our selfish nature to invest ourselves in other people and things. Love doesn't make sense. But we feel the need to practice it anyway. And it's because we've discovered that it makes the world go 'round.

I mean think about it. Love is not natural. Part of the definition of love is to give of yourself, un-selfishly, for the betterment or investment in another person.
Putting someone else's needs above your own.

We're humans. We don't do that. We are essentially 100% selfish creatures. You don't have to teach a toddler/baby to hold onto it's toys, never share, and cry when anything at all happens that it doesn't like. Quite the opposite actually. So the very fact that we are capable of such a level of unselfishness points to a creator being putting that capability into our hearts.

It's amazing isn't it???

Love.

Lovelovelove. Such a painful, sacrificial, terrible, wonderful, giving, long-suffering, patient, joyful, gentle, literally out-of-this-world experience we take for granted everyday.

And to think that God loves us?? Nasty, selfish, non-sacrificial, undeserving, wretches of sin that we are??

Inconceivable.

And that we nasty creatures somehow find it in our hearts to unselfishly love one another, and even God!? (albeit far from perfectly)

Also inconceivable.

Isn't God great?? :D  He surpasses all the fathoms of my finite brain and blows it out of the water. I can't even begin to comprehend the greatness, complexity, and brilliance of His mind. His majesty.

I simply cannot wait to worship Him declaring His praises for eternity by His side.

Oh to sit at Your feet, continually casting down my crown, shouting my love for you. Broken though it may be. It is there. All. For You forevermore. Because You first loved me, and gave me the capability to love you in return.

Hallelujah.

Random poetic moments are good to me...

Sometimes the stars in our eyes turn into tears. And our passing lonely moments become passing years. And our body’s grow cold, to dull all the pain. And our lips may forget how to feel something again. And the dusts settles over all our love notes and glances. And the cobwebs on our hearts suddenly define what romance is. And the willow tree weeps for the death that it sees. And our eyes meet each other’s, but we’ve forgotten how to breathe. So dead, cold, and buried, our lost love lies. Content to sit unbidden, behind fear, hurt, and lies.

But know, my darling, should every one of these words come to pass. That true love will still be there, hidden underneath grass. Tangled up in roots that grew, to try and shut it in. But softly it should still come forth, if only given one reason.

A call to rise, back to life from the ground. And the very leaves in the trees will shake for the sound. And the willow tree will raise her head, and declare that once love’s lost, it’s dead. But the quickening in our hearts, and the ruddiness of our faces, will prove to the crying wind, that of life there still lies traces.

And our backs will be bent, but our voices will be strong. As we look up and wail a defiant love song. And the world will shake in wonder, that miracles do come true, as our lips regain feeling, and our faces turn from blue. And warmth will flood our bodies, as a an omen, or a token. That, with a shriek in the night, the still grave is breaking open.

Love is prevailing! Though seemingly too good to be true! The cobwebs all are breaking as the dusts disolved into. The sea, the sea! With a mighty roar! Floods all the breakers, onto the shore. And with a heave and a shove, Love is back on her feat. Gaining strength by the minute, laughing at defeat. Showing off her muscles, though they’ve been sleeping for years. She flashes a valiant smile, who’s warmth dries year’s tears.

And believe me darling

Our smiles will find each other again, though all hope may have seemed lost.

Because underneath every seeming grave, lies a love, never to exhaust.

Naked people, relationships, and backward love.

Humans are broken.

It's the truth. Plain and simple.  We all sinned and fell short of taking part in God's glory. We are all failures.

And even though God reached down and took the punishment, forgave us, and still accepts us into His glory, we still all struggle with our fallen nature.

And that's why, as every human is broken, so is every human relationship.

No matter how good of friends you are, how tight your family bond is, or how in love you are with someone, your relationship can not be perfect.

You will both still fail, and you will have broken moments.

That's just the way it happened when the first two naked people ate fruit.

And we have to recognize this in any relationship we have. We can't walk around expecting every one to be perfect. Would you expect that of yourself?

Therefore, every relationship is broken. It is fallen. It can't be perfect. Prefect relationships require perfect people. And those don't exist.

So when we do fall, as we are bound to do, we cannot simply give up. Perhaps the reason 50% of marriages end in divorce is because of these misplaced expectations. I'm sorry to say, but no human being will ever live up to all your expectations.You may very well find someone perfect for you, but they will not be perfect. They will make mistakes, and they will hurt you. You will do the same thing. But a part of any friendship or relationship is a commitment to stay by their side even in those low moments.

Loyalty: something I think our generation is quickly forgetting. When the mind-set of society becomes the viewpoint of me-centered-ness: loyalty, forgiveness, patience, and selflessness are simply pushed by the way side. The sad part is, all of these selfless traits are the very things that make up love itself. Love is not just a come-and-go feeling or emotion, it's a selfless commitment to put someone else's needs above your own. Not something our society exactly likes to preach nowadays...

It comes down to the backwards teachings of Jesus Christ. He went exactly against every generally accepted way of life. He taught that to be the greatest, you would have to become the least. To be king, you would have to become a servant. To respond to hate with love. To be first, become last. To be heard, be quiet, and do it in secret. To lead, serve. To truly live, die. Etc..

But that's just the thing, as backwards and messed up and His teaching seem, they are what actually work. God obviously understands our world, which He created, better than we do. And he taught us to be selfless, be servants, give unending undemanding no-strings-attatched love.

That is the only way a healthy relationship can grow. I guess that's what I wanted to say...

Spring

It's amazing. Spring is.

It seems no matter the situation in my life, just a little time out in my back-yard can change my whole day...

I guess there's just something about being around so much bursting life! Bugs, trees, plants, sunshine, dew, flowers, everything! I cannot contain my joy for it all...

And the green. Oh the greenery. There's something about rolling hills, forests, jungles, all of it! If it's green, it awakens some part of my heart. And I can hardly help dancing for joy.

Yesterday we had a whole lot of tornadoes around my area, but the only thing I could focus on the whole time was the sheer green-ness of my backyard. It just seems to stir up my blood...

Anyway, so today, as always, was awash in ups and downs. I hardly have myself figured out in the least, when it comes to my constantly roller-coasting emotions.... Thankfully God does, and He has grace.

But today was admittedly getting rather blue, so I decided to do something about it and for some reason the option of just sitting on my bed spending time alone with God didn't seem to cut it for once...like He had something better for me. And as soon as I walked by a window I knew what that was. I flew bare-footed out my back door and happened upon a strange and lovely sight. My back yard right now is about as green, bursting with life and lushness, as I have ever seen it. Fresh, tasty honeysuckles were everywhere! Wild roses were blooming and the plant life had seemingly overtaken everything it touched. I stood in a foreign world. Surrounded by huge green trees, vines, bushes and all things green! I was over-awed by the majesty. 

I found an alarmingly straight sturdy stick on the ground that fit perfectly in my hand like a sword. Suddenly I was whirling it around in an epic battle between me and dragons, pirates, evil warriors, and demons. I was a soldier of truth and a valiant warrior of righteousness. With every stroke I pierced through my enemies, constantly with the upper-hand, no matter how outnumbered I may have been.

I fought battles, made up stories, talked in british accents to imaginary characters, momentarily had fits of perfect stillness in trying to take in the beauty around me, and was continually the conquering heroin. As I was so many times in my childhood. I let it all flood back as I re-awakened my imagination and sent it soaring.

Then God spoke to me. Words of life and fullness. Encouragement and beauty. Magically restorative no matter the trials of the day. I stared up at His sun in wonder and sipped on some honeysuckles.

Our God truly is a good God. He is not tame. But good. Don't ever let your faith be tamed.

Instead, rise up, fight your battles, breathe in His creation, and face the world on the wild side. 

It's exactly what you were made for.

Spring fever.

Whatever it is,

I've got it.