Prom!!!

Oh my gosh so prom was amazing!!! I have a flood of memories in my head and I have no idea where to start. It was one of those awesome events you just want to sit and ponder and mull over for the next few days. But I really should give some details...hmmm. Where to begin? Well, I guess the beginnning is a good place.
First off I guess you should know that I orginally intended to go with my friends Rebekah and Danielle. We were gonna get ready together and take pictures and then go to prom and have a sleepover afterwards. But, unfortunately, this didn't exactly work out. Our plans kind of fell through and I actually ended up getting ready by myself (my mom was out of town and my dad was at work). Now don't feel sorry for me...I actually rather enjoyed it. I had no one to distract me and I never had to help anyone else put their look together. So it was rather peaceful, home alone, tranquilly getting ready and dreaming and wondering what it'd be like. I also felt very independant and confidant. So that was all ok.
Next I arrived at prom (an hour early cause my dad had to be there early because he was working as a security person.) I hung around and chatted with peoples I knew ( and didn't know) till the doors opened. I registered and walked on the "red carpet" (the theme was classic movies and academy awards type things.) into a world of enchantment.
Actually the entire lobby was decorated with differnet sets from old famous movies where you could take your picture with people dressed up as the characters.

My favorite was the phantom of the opera. :)

Fast forward about an hour to the opening of the actualy ballroom doors where we walked into the movie Casablanca and ooed and awed at the amazing stage(it looked like a plane about to take off) and the elegant table settings. The room quickly filled up and the live piano music set the mood of magic. I have to stop here and say that this ball-room was probabaly the biggest room I have ever been in, or seen, in my entire life. And it was filled! It was simply breathtaking.
(this only shows a small corner of the room and leaves out the whole dance floor)

Now I'm going to let you take a closer glimpse at the workings of my mind just now. Whenever I'm in a large place, with lots of people, and were all dressed up, I automatically imagine something. I imagine the same room, the same decorations, the same music and everything, but without any people. It's allways just me dancing in a beautiful gown by myself. I love picturing that. I don't know why, but I do it quite often. My brain just seems to like imagining everybody away, leaving me to be alone in wonderful, peacful quiet, to dance. Thats what I was thinking of when I walked into that room.
Anyway, sorry for the bunny trails. I shall continue. We ate a delectible meal, I met many new people and it was all very lovely...until the dancing started. Then things turned awesome! There's just something about me and music. Especially if it's fun music I know. I just can't stop my body from moving! My feet start first and I give myself up to the call of the dance. There were times I was too tired to sip my water and yet as soon as a good song came on I'd be back and dancing. I just can't help it!
Another rather frightening/cool thing about the dancing part was the floor. You see, we were on the second floor of the hotel and everytime everyone on the dance floor was jumping...the floor was jumping too. Literally. If you stood still you could feel it bouncing up and down. and not just little bouncing either. No, this was definitely like jumping-three-or-four-inches-up-and-down-both-ways type bouncing. It was pretty cool...I rather wanted to pretend to be the old man from Freaky Friday and start running around screaming EARTHQUAKE!!! lol
Hmmm so what else... Well, I was going great dancing till about midnight. Then I started to wind down a little bit. You see, I got a cold two days before so I was still a little sick and that doesn't bode well with dancing all night long. lol

So I started siting out more, (although it took tremendous effort on my part
consdering my love of the dance) but I would still jump up and dance another good song every few minutes. It was getting toward the end of the evening and I was sitting out more and more songs when they played fireflies. My head shot up (as well as my feet) and I flew to the dance floor with renewed energy. I love that song, you see, and owl city's songs in general just sort of play the music of my heart. lol So i danced and sang (lip-sang actually for I had no voice by the end of that night) and had mucho enjoyable fun on what was to be my last dance. For, you see, after that my feet decided they were done and so the sort of swelled to where I couldn't walk.- Much to my disappointment as well as the boy who had asked me to dance the real last dance with him. lol
But that was all ok, for I enjoyed resting and watching all the peoples radiant faces as they frolicked, laughed and twirled, just as much as I would have enjoyed dancing myself.
By the time the night was over I had a head full of wonderful memories, a throat full of frogs, two feet full of...non-walkableness, and a mouth full of smiles.
It was a truly enjoyable time. Thank God for creating joy, dancing, and celebrations.

Spring

Guess what People? Today I walked outside and (here comes the cool part....wait for it...wait for it...) COULD ACTUALLY FEEL THE HEAT OF THE SUN!!!!! It was even in my eyes! In fact, it was so bright outside that when I went back into my house I couldn't see anything...which of course usually leads to the tripping and bumping and falling but I'm not gonna go into that. My point is;

Spring time is officially here!

Everybody say YAY!!!!!!

It was amazing! I could feel the heat, the sunshine. I could hear birds singing all around. I could feel the green grass between my toes...ok fine. It's still yellow from winter, but hey! It's Texas, that's what you get.
Anyway, I don't about you but I was made for spring. I was made to hear the birds, to feel the sun, to lay in the warm grass. There's just something about it that awakens part of me. It's almost as if part of my spirit hybernates during the winter like the bears do. Yeah, I could definitely feel a new "spring" in my step, (if you'll parden the expression.) lol
So today, in honor of the beautiful spring time weather, I went outside to do one of my favorite sunshine activities; Swinging.
If you didn't know, I have a rather fantasticaly large love for swinging. And, I also happen to have a rather large tree swing right in front of my house. Perfect.
So, today I honored the tradition kept by kids all over the world and swung on my swing to my little hearts content. It was heaven.
It's in those little moments that I find the true me. The me thats never experienced a pain or care in the world. Just a little girl swinging and singing silly songs in the sunshine. Perfectly content, and soaking up the wind and the rays.
I'll say it again. I was born for spring.

So many thoughts...

Lots of thoughts lately....lots of thoughts. Can't quite put the right words to them yet, but there will be some blog posts when I can. For now, a preview of some of them:

She's older than me, yet somehow I know I'm more mature...I'm better for you. Better influence...but isn't that just me being way prideful? Aren't these thoughts bad in the first place?

what happened to me? What happened to us? Is it all about her now?

God? Do you care?

Of course he cares.

Some of my deepest feelings are of anger at injustice and protecting those I love...why? what does that mean? what does anything mean?

God. God is the answer. Love. God is Love. Love is the answer.

Why is it so hard to love?

How do I feel like I know so much and know so little at the same time?

Is it bad that I'm secretly happy whenever I here debates between christianity and other religions cause I know I'm right. Cause I know that my side will allways win in the end. Or is that being prideful as well?

Is it out of love? no, but I'm still happy i'm right.
I like being right...

thats selfeshness
selfeshness is wrong, love is right

Where is the worship of you God?

Can't they see what they're missing? The chance is right in front of them, why don't they take it?

Where is the worship of you?

Why am I judging them instead of focusing on worship?

Why do we look at the world as centered around us? Why Sin nature? Why sin?

Darn you satan.

...stupid snake...

Why is it so hard to act without thinking of what others will think of you?

Why are we wired that way?

Why fear?

So many questions.

So yeah, you see why I don't have words. The End.

What is it?

First it starts softly
And you don't know it's happening

Then it gets bigger,
harder, faster,
not stopping

Then you see patches
of bright color on the ground

till it covers everything
in sight all around

It continues its pace
Sometimes harder
Sometimes not

Sometimes it look happy
Sometimes distraught

Now forceful
Now lazy

Now angry
Now hazy

Now it's just a wish..
Oh wait! It came back!

Now it's dancing
And it's hard to keep track

Oh, now it's beautiful!
Steady and slow

Building and packing
Continuing to grow

At night it turns blue
but it keeps on going

Gaining strength in the night
without you even knowing

It goes all night long
Yet in the morning
it's gone

All but the evidence
Piled up on the lawn.

Invisible

You don’t know me
You never did
You never took the time
To look inside my head

To look beyond my mask
of being normal and
blending in
You never tried to discover
The person I really am

You never got to know me
You never even cared
You never even saw me
You only saw my shield

And so you'll never discover
the friendship we could've had.
Or share my loyalty and caring heart
that I will always freely give.

And that is what your missing
every time that you ignore
my glances,
my stares,
my hoping eyes,
while you intently stare at the floor.

Back-tracking

You know, I talk about joy alot. I talk about choosing to be joyful in every situation and always being yourself and stuff like that. And you know what? For all my talk, my endless words, insights, and emotions, it's still just that; talk. You can talk all day. You can talk till you're blue. You can talk till the sun falls down. And you can talk till pigs start to fly, but it's still talk. And so I ask; where is the action?
For me, it was there. In my life, everyday. I made a choice to be joyful in all things. But you know what I found out? I found that is easy to choose to be joyful when the is nothing else to choose. English? It's easy to be joyful when your world is perfect. But what about when your world falls down? When it crashes down?
Like I said; it's easy to choose when there is no other choice.
When you're doing good, when life is sunshine, flowers, and puppies, there isn't a choice in the first place. And I'm just gonna yell at you if you're not rejoicing. You have so much to be thankful for!
But what about when there is actually a choice? When things aren't sunshine and flowers? When all you see are clouds with black linings? Those times happen. They happen to everybody. They happen to the cutter at your school and the perpetually-smiling homeschooler on your street. They come. And eventually we all have to face the choice. The choice of Joy. Unfortunately for so many they have no choice of Joy because they don't have the giver of all joy; God. He's the only thing that can lift you up off the ground when you fallen hard and your world's fallen around you. He's the only one who can dig through the rubble. He's the only true sun in your sky of black clouds. No matter how many people or things you think will work instead, they all disappear at the end. No matter how much you're sure they will complete your life; they wont. It all passes away. All except God. And I can't wait till that day. The day when this whole stupid earth will vanish and I am left alone with my God. My Groom. My Lord. My Redeemer. My Lover. Only then will I truly know Joy. The most aweful, terrible, wonderful joy there is. But for now, while I'm stuck on earth. I will find my joy in Him. And only Him. I know nothing else can satisfy me...ever. No matter how long or how hard I search. I will never find one like Him. And I know for sure and for certain that He's the one I want to save me when I'm down. You see, I've discovered something. I've discoevered that's its truly impossible to choose Joy on your own. You have to let God take over. He's the only way you'll ever get anywhere with that...or anything for that matter. Just give up. It's soooo much easier than trying to handle life on your own. I know that for sure. I know that every time I try to run my own life it falls apart. I know that God's my only saviour. So thats it. He's the joy. It's not you, you can't rule over it. ONly he can. So heres my new question; Will you let Him?

Times

I know i need you
I need to love you
I love to see you,
and its been so long

i long to feel you
i feel this need for you'
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?

oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

now you pulled me near you
when we're close i fear you
still im afraid to tell you
all that i've done

are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord i'm so tired of defending
what i've become
what have i become?

oh oh, oh oh, oh oh.

i hear you say
"my love is over,
its underneath
its inside
its in between

the times you doubt me,
when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned
'is this for real?'

the times you've broken,
the times that you mend
the times you hate me
and the times that you bend

well my love is over,
its underneath,
its inside,
its in between,

these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've
fallen from grace

the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry
and are tempted to steal

in times of confusion
and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow
under the weight of your shame

im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you
by my power alone

i dont care where you've fallen,
where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends,
it never ends

oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Therapy: a somewhat poem.

Therapy

Therapy is
different
for every person
My therapy
consists of this:

God
Art
Music
Friends
Swinging
Dancing
Green grassy fields
The rain
The sun
The wind
Curling up
on the couch
with a movie
and popcorn.
Reading
Silence
Trying
Crying
Venting
Screaming
Tearing things up
Forgiving
Loving
Moving on
Sleeping
Laughing!

The End

Slow-motion

Do you ever have those days where it seems like everything is happening in slow motion? Where is seems like the world knows that you're not doing ok, so it tries to lord it over you by slowing everything down? I had one of those days today...
Everything went slow...super slow. I don't think I've ever experience an E.C.C day that went by so slowly, and I felt awful. Not that I was sick or something, but I was missing someone. I suppose I was sick; heartsick. It was one of those days where you finally get home and all you want to do is curl up in God's lap and just give it all to him. You just want to say, "I don't wanna deal with this anymore God, I'm tired of it, emotionally and physically. Take it away from me, take it all away."
Sometimes I just wish things would go back to the way they were. Back to the "good ole days". Though, I think everyone has "good ole days" that they wish would come back sometimes. It's far too easy to hate the situation you're in and wish for other times. Even the Israelites wished they were back in Egypt as slaves sometimes. But you have to remember, you always have to remember, that God has a plan. Gah, it's so hard to remember that sometimes! But He does. He has a plan, and a purpose. And our job is to learn to be thankful and rejoice in every situation. No matter what. No matter if we're wandering around the dessert with only tasteless manna to eat, or wandering around your school disgusted at the injustice, and missing someone to death. You have to stay strong, to stay in God; where all of our strength comes from.

Journaling

So recently I started a Journal. I call it "The Journal of Anna's insights and inspirations." ...Or at least that's its official name. Really all it is is me writing down all the ramblings and craziness of my head on paper. But since I firmly believe that all things deserve a proper name, I hath titled it. :)
What I figured I'd do is this; I'd write my brain down on all those empty pieces of paper in there and if I came across an entry that I like, I post it to my blog! So here are the ones I thought were good so far....


Ummm yeeeaaahh about that...turns out I don't have as many insightful poetic thoughts up there as I thought I did. lol Oh well, I have discovered something along the way anyway: It's really good/relaxing/edifying/therapeutic/and just plain nice to be able to get all your thoughts out onto a piece of paper. It's like slowly emptying out the jumbles so you can more easily find the Diamonds of knowledge that are stored away into some deep corner. I suppose it's somewhat like if you had the ability to clean out everything in your room you don't want or need, and store it all in a little book. Very convenient huh. Well anyway, that's how my journaling has been going so far. I really recommend it. So yeah, I guess that's all folks. :)