Sorry I haven't posted in a while...again. lol

And there's no life lesson today. I just feel like I need to talk.

I don't know to whom I am talking to, but it doesn't matter.

I just need to talk.

So my life has been turned upside down it seems of late
On one hand, I am getting so close to God it's...amazing, awesome, I don't have words...
On the other hand, some...things I have had to give up for that awesomeness are grating on my soul. One...thing, in particular. I cannot get over. It seems that every time I take two steps forward I take one back. And I know that doesn't sound all too bad. I'm still getting somewhere right? Well, yes...but It's takes much longer. And when you get to a point where you're this passionate for God, you don't want it to take long at all. You want to be running to him as fast as you possibly can. But you see, I'm running with a weight on my back. Not a weight of sin, mind you, but a weight of loss. Of missing...certain things once held close. And I don't know how to possibly get rid of it. I know it fades with time. That's what everyone says. That's what I thought, I believed. And it's only been a week. But a week with loss... And it's still heavy. I guess that's to be expected. I guess I need patience. God give me patience.
It's just...I miss them (yes, ok, alright, it's a person). I miss them terribly. I gave them up for they were formally a shackel, holding me back from God. Not of their own will, and not of mine. They were doing nothing wrong, per say. It was just distracting. It was not what I needed. So I said goodbye. I never imagined it would be this hard. This is hard.
So, you imaginary people that actually read this blog, give me time. I'll come around. I'll be back to being my bouncy, care-free, grass-lover self that occasionally has deep inspiring thoughts, soon. Just give me time...

For now, a poem. It seemed an appropriate way to express how I feel...

But it's mainly to one certain person..and probably will only make sense to them.

I suppose it's my turn now
to put poetry in motion
to express myself and how I feel
yes, of this I am quite certain.

However, no need to write me a song
though technically it would be your turn...
No need to remember me at all
no need for you to burn...

I have no fancy words you see
and a genius at english I'm not
I have not studied homer and such
these words only come from my heart

Yet, when I truly try to say
everything that's on my mind
I want to forego it, because I know
You'll never see this rhyme.

And so you continue in forgetful bliss
while my heart continually plays
over and over again in my head
these beautifully sad memories.

And at last:
as I go back over this poem
and think, "eh this is dumb and mushy"
all the while my heart just screams
Please do not forget me.