"I've got you."

This. This is me right now. Actually, this is me a lot more than just right now. As I've said before, this is really a picture of my testimony. I'm going to explain that further today. It needs a lot of explanation, cause there are many different ways it applies, but it does.

First note, I'm not exactly having the best of days today. Had horrible dreams last night that have left me feeling rather down all day. Not like a nightmare, that just leaves you scared. I'm left feeling....off. Not quite right. It probably didn't help how realistic the dream was. I just really have to remember to turn to God on days like these. Ah well, all that to say this, if the blog is on the more serious side, and not with a lot of humor or my normal crazy self-ness. I apoligize, you know why.

So anyway, back to the picture. Well first there's the obvious: that when all the sins and distractions and deamons of the world are trying to get at us, Jesus is holding us safe in His arms.

But then there's the slightly less obvious. I didn't paint her eyes. I didn't paint her eyes because our eyes are always shifting. If I followed the spirit of the painting, her eyes would be closed, for she would be completely resting on Jesus. She would be fully intent on worshiping and loving Him. Sadly, this is not always the case. The deamons and the distractions are constantly screaming for our attention. They're flailing thier arms and doing everything possible to get it. They want desperately to distract us from Jesus' embrace. That's thier job, their driving force. That's what they devote theire entire selves to. It is a battle for the attentions and affections of our hearts.

And sometimes, we give in. Sometimes, we forget we are in the arms of the most loving and beautiful person in the universe, and we trick ourselves into believing that those ugly deamons and sins are beautiful. When our eyes stray, the become blinded, for they have strayed from the light. And when they are blinded, we are tricked into believing something entirely different about the sins our eyes have strayed to. We start believing they are beautiful. We start thinking that they are worth looking away from God for. We start thinking that maybe we can find more pleasure in the things of the world than we can in the arms of Christ. And we are sadly mistaken.

And yet, here's the beautiful part: Christ does not let go. Even when our eyes stray and we become blinded by the darkness. Even when our hearts turn away and we belive the world holds more pleasure than Christ. He does not let go. He does not give us up as a lost cause simply because we have failed Him again. He remains with us. His hold is strong. He will not let us fall, and He will not kick us out. He is neither cruel enough to cast us out nor lax enough to simply let us go. He remains, ever wrapping us in His arms, ever forgiving us and calling us to try again, to start anew with Him. He puts our sins and our failings as far away as the east is from the west. And he never stops. He is ever-loving, and ever-holding on. Even if we outright rebel, outright make the utter desicion to leave His arms and run the other way, He is ever chasing after us, calling us back, ready to recieve us into His embrace. To save us from ourselves.

I need to believe this. I think we all struggle with believing this sometimes. For me, what happens is when I mess up, and my eyes stray away, I cast out myself. I put myself, in my eyes, as in the midst of the blackness. And I figure since I got myself there I have to figure out a way to climb back out into Jesus' arms. But the problem is, I can never do that by myself. Nay, in fact, the real problem is I never even left God's arms! He's still holding me, even while I'm desperately trying to figure out a way for Him to want to hold me again. lol Silly isn't it. But I do it. I say to myself that I've fallen and now I have to figure out a way to get back up again. As if I could do that by myself. But God is always ever there saying "I never let you go! I was always holding you up in my victorious and righteous right hand! You're already here! With me! I have forgiven! I am ever ready to take our relationship to the next level! Come on! You don't have to climb to try to get to the place you "were at" you're already here! I never let you fall. I've got you! Anna, I've got you!"

He's got me. For now and evermore.

Thank God.