Un-abridged

Oh my. Well you see, after my poem was lost, I decided to go back out in the cold. I knew my poem would never be the same, or have the same affect as the first time if I had tried to redo it. So the best option I had was to start afresh, go back to the drawing board, and let my creativity flow wherever the wind wanted to take it. And of course, I was smart this time and took a good 'ole fashion notebook and pencil. The outcome was more of a...systematic ramble than a poem. But I thought I'd put it up. Warning: this is the unedited word-for-word copy of an un-controled flow of my imagination. Enter at own risk.

Oh Winter, inspire me.
Oh Frost, incite me.
Oh Wind, inhale me.

That the world would never chew me up, and spit me out: "cultured."

What if we?
Stayed unintelligent: our only teachers, God and nature.

Bibles and pineapples our only sustenance.

What drives you? Everyone has something.
Is it what it should be?

Warmth is in the blood of the beholder.

Chill is an over-reaching enemy.
The sun is an undecided ally.
The wind a friend and a foe.
An undiscovered bliss of shy betrayal.

Clouds a depressing indecisive tool. Yet a beauty when coupled with Mr. Sun. Yes, they'd win the "cutest couple" award.

My thoughts stream like the wind: A million places in the world at once. And yet continuous wave of reliability - all the same feel, just different speeds.

My heart is a cloud. Always moving, undecided which way it wants to go, no permanent home. Not yet. But, in the meantime, not willing to give themselves up wholly to one emotion, feeling, weather pattern, person. Having its beautiful moments, and its gray ones. Sometimes rain, but sometimes snow and sunsets. Sometimes absent from the situation at hand. Always drawn by a good song - like blue sky. A resting place for the stars.

It's best friends with the sun, although they, like any relationship, have their tiffs, sometimes battling to outshine the other.

My mind is the sun. Bright. It's not conceited to admit it. It's just how God created it. A million thoughts can course through, sun storms, yet it will always remain relatively unchanged. Sometimes it is covered by clouds, my emotions: my heart. Sometimes they exist together in a happy medium - as it should be - a life without clouds would be an awfully long hot draught. An unfeeling soul.

My soul.
My soul is hidden. It is the air. Existing all around - no matter what - whether I believe in it or not, never being seen because it is hidden in God's heart.

My spirit. My spirit is not of the weather nor atmosphere. My spirit is flowers in spring. My spirit is the green grass in England. My spirit is a bouncing melody on a cheery day. My spirit is playful snow in mounds. It is piled up fall leaves on the ground. It is an afternoon fire in the dead of winter. It is hot chocolate on a rainy day. It is puddles left behind for children to jump in. It is two hands holding. It is fingernails chewed in excited anticipation. It is a young child that just lost their first tooth.It is a painting on display, as well as a hidden masterpiece seen by no one but the creator. It is a light to the world.


Like glow sticks in the dark.


My physical body is just that. Walking around, small, un-noticed by a majority of the world, who don't know that this small package that I am contains the clouds, the sun, the wind, flowers, fire, rain, hot chocolate, songs, grass, puddles, paintings, and light.


. . But they will know. . . . Some day.

A beginning

A coat my calling
the chill my incentive
the wind my coaxer
the sun my guide.

Yet the chill awakens me
incites my blood to riot
causes my body to shudder
refusing to move



Okay peoples, I'm depressed as of right this moment. I went outside in the freezing weather, with super high speed winds, not even wearing any shoes, to experience the feeling of chill and write a poem about it. The words came more easily than I've ever experienced and out came one of the best poems I've ever written. I pressed publish post and ran inside as fast as my frozen feet could carry me. But, much to my chagrin, horror, and broken-heartedness, it was all gone but the first two verses. A cry of "bad things!!!" (literally that's what I said) escaped me and then I just sat staring at a computer that refused to return to what I had created. So this my friends, is a beginning. The first two lines of an inspiration that just had gotten better and better as I continued. *crest-fallen sigh*. Anyway, enjoy a beginning. And perhaps, the next time the wind is roaring and the cold is creeping, you can finish it yourself.

The wind: a symphony of sensations.

The wind inspires me. If I was in avatar, I'd most definitely be an air-bender. Just something in the wind awakens and stirs in me my innate desire to just jump into it and fly away. I believe I've talked about my fascination with flight before, so I won't bore you with another blog post on the same subject, but anyway, just saying. There's a dreamer inside me that steps a foot outside everytime there's wind rushing around me. Perhaps I'll move somewhere on a cliff someday, so that every morning I can rush out and stand on the edge and feel the wind dance around me and the waves roar below. A symphony of sensations.

Thanks Giving

friends.family.food.shelter.nice-stuff.clothes.electricity.warmth.shoes.socks.deoderant.make-up.married-parents.love.love.love.confidence.functioning-body-parts.the-gifts-of-singing/dancing/acting/ukulele-playing/song-writing/creativity/painting/drawing/art/photography.passion.hope.a-future.inspiration.education.finances.cell-phone.music.entertainment.hats.style.hair.teeth.big-eyes.long-eyelashes.contacts.doctors.computers.books.spiritual-gifts.a-bed.art-supplies.stuffed-animals.snow.imagination.thoughts.dreams.ambitions.life.power.potential.senses.sensations.sun-sets.beauty-of-the-world.beauty-of-life.beauty-of-me.tigers.liguid.oxygen.fingernails.shampoo.heated-water.musicals.flowers.wind.wonderful-earthy-dirt.bread.clean-water.bacon.ice-cream-snickers-bars.ice-skating.A-choice-to-choose-God.redemption.forgiveness.whole-ness.feet-to-walk-on.stories.jokes.humor.colors.light.wonder.curiosity.intuition.wisdom.maturity.cats.Christmas.joy.joy.joy.peace.a-solid-foundation.weather.atmosphere.sun-shine.moon.stars.whole-ness.a-conscience.happiness.freedom.slavery-to-Jesus.nature.cool-breezes.treasures.dance.thumbs.hair-tie-band-things.curly-hair.dr.peppers.mouths.breath.air.blue-sky.flight.cars.pillows.feathers.containers.the-wheel.encouragement.hope.

And most of all a creator of the universe who spefically knows everything about me and loves me unconditionally. Who died for me.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Fall

Fall is here.

Cool weather. Cool air. Exciting feelings.

Like the whole world knows winter is coming.

Like a preperation for snow or an invitation to go jumping in leaves.

Listening to Florence and the Machine and dwelling in the comforting coolness of family all around.

Thanksgiving. Christmas. Only goodness in sight.

That's all, my lovelies, farewell! Stop reading this blog or anything on the computer and run out in your yard, shivering from head to toe, then run back in as fast as warmth can call you and sip some hot chocolate with extra tiny marshmellows and read a good book. Orders from non-doctor Anna. Ta ta!

I've been home alone almost this whole weekend.

It's given me lots of time for thought...although I haven't used a lot of it. I've rather shirked thought lately for the most part. If I think I get stressed with all the things I must do, and with all the things that still haunt me from the past. But if I don't think I live quite contentedly and happily in the now. The present. This moment. Hakuna Matata.

The problem is, in that movie, Simba learned that Hakuna Matata doesn't actually solve anything. It's really just running from your past, and shirking the responsibilities of the future.

Sure, as christians we're not supposed to worry about tomorrow, but that doesn't mean we sit around and not do anything about tomorrow. That doesn't mean we don't plan, save, and prepare. Just that we don't get stressed, worried.

So I guess I'm still trying to find that happy medium.

Of grabbing your future by the horns but not getting thrown off the bull into a sea of anxieties.

Otherwise, certain things have happened lately shoving long forgotten memories in my face. ....The boy is showing me attention again. In a very tiny no-one-should-really-get-worked-up-over-this way, but still...

So I decided to just give God the situation and melt away by worshipping Him. It's so much easier than solving my problems on my own.

So anyway, nothing much of consequence to say today. Learning lots of lessons myself, and learning most of all how to trust in Him. Incredibely hard. Extremely rewarding.

That's all. Adieu.

For you.

I haven't written anything with any weight lately. And it's not that I don't still have inspirational thoughts and revelation, I just . . . I guess I've become more interested in writing silly stories about flighty emotions, and other useless things. . .

But!

The good news is, that is far from what my life is actually like right now! So, I thought I'd take a moment to clue you in to some of my revelations from my 'me and Jesus!' times. :)

He loves us.

No duh! you say laughing. But no.

He really loves us.

I was sitting in my room thinking about how I can never seem to stop sinning and about how I mess up so much. I was on this track, thinking about all the times I've been at my lowest spiritually, when God showed me something I had never thought about before.

When we're at our worst moment, in our deepest sins, in our deepest pain, and absolutely turned against God;

that's when He died for us.

He didn't stoop Himself to die for us all the while thinking about our very best behaviors and that He could maybe bare to go through torture for those that love Him most.

No. He died for the blackest of sinners, at their worst times. He took on every single one of our sins.

He didn't die to save good people. He died to save you and me.

He died for you in your worst moments.

He loves you in your worst moments. Enough to go through indescribable pain for you.

For you.

Amazing isn't it! It was an incredibely freeing thought for me. To know that no matter how badly I mess up, God still loves me. A love beyond words. Beyond anything you or I have ever felt. That's how He feels about you.

Anyway, I hope you take that to heart. Well, I suppose that's all for now. Have a wonderful inspiring week. Ta ta :)

Welcome, November.

"The quietest people have the loudest minds."

I don't know who said this. Or rather, I forgot. Yet on a day like today, the whos, whats, hows, whens, commasspacesperiodsetc. . . . don't seem to matter much.

My brain is only digesting feelings, experiences, abstract thoughts, and rambling emotions. If I don't stay my hand, a thousand pretty pictures would turn out. Although you wouldn't be able to tell what any of them are . . . only foreign swirls, dreamy cloudy looking objects, and vibrant dancing colors. Dreamy. Abstract Lost. Lovingly. Lonely. Notofthisworld. Loudlyquiet. Happilyserene. Inspirationalsilence. Those are the words to describe a day like today.

Well, if this is any indication of how my November shall be, I welcome it with an open heart, and full-fleshed smile, and flowing thoughts of hearty ease.

Most of this doesn't make sense. But I think it's good for us to take a step back and acknowledge that some things just don't make sense sometimes.

For perhaps, those are the things that will make the most sense of all, in the end.

I can't wait for the ending. It's like reading a wonderful book; you just love it so much, you can't wait to find out how it resolves, and yet you never want it to end.

Yes, I think that's how life was meant to be viewed. Waiting excitedly for the glorious ending, but enjoying the abundace, the simple yet wonderful pleasures of every day life. I am rambling.

Love.Warmth.Light.Bokeh.Hearts.Hugs.Hotchocolate.Warmapplecider.Crispcoolair.Freedom.Wind.Fire.Earth.Pools.Dirt.Puppies.Kittens.Tigers.Majestic.Wonder.Beauty.Affection.Safety.Heartyhello's.Art.Dreamy.Wonder.Exuberence.Quiet.Mist.Woods.Fields.Grass.Reading.Smellsofmemories.Browneyes.Warmembraces.Family.Goodfriends.Alonetime.Mountaintops.Comfortingvalleys.Stars.Longwalksonthebeach.Nostalgia.Sweetmusic.Hauntingmelodies.swirlingcolors.Blush.Flying.Soaring.Wandering.Adventure.Heaven.Perfection.

The End.

The world of the wind.

The wind is pulling at me. I soak it in as it whips my hair every which way. Pulling it in every direction. My hand flies up to my head, staying my hat, keeping it from dancing away. It's a wonderful feeling. A strange feeling. Constricting and freeing all at once. It's as if the wind is pushing me, bullying my feet away from their intended path, rudely shoving me along. And yet, at the same time, I feel that if I just let go, just give in, I could soar a thousand miles away. Over buildings and tree-tops. Over oceans and rivers. Across nations and tribes. Away from all known governments. Into the unknown. The world of the winds.