Holding hands is more than what it seems
involving more complicated parts.
Holding hands is more than what it seems
it's more like holding hearts.

They stood there.
Wrapped in each-others arms.
As one breathed out, the other in.
Quick tempo'd harmonizing hearts.

Both never wanting to let go.
Both fearing the other might.
Hoping perhaps all else would disappear
if they each just held on tight.

They were not feasible.
They could not and should not be.
But sometimes the impossible becomes a small feat
when love pervades the scene.

This is far too long for me to possibly expect you to read it. My apologies.

Oh my, I realized today how incredibely long it's been since I've really blogged... So I figure I have some catching up to do.

Well for starters, several of the friends I made when I visited England, have made a trip here! Which is incredibely exciting and I get the pleasure of hosting two of them in my very own house! How lovely :)

Otherwise-things-happenings-such: It's finally winter! Although it's seemed to have taken its sweet time getting here, (it's been around 50+ degrees all through january) the weather seems to finally understand that it's time for snow (or at least sleet?) and not time for afternoon-walk-weather. Although admittadely, out of all the seasons, winter is probably my least favourite. The so-very-much all-or-nothing-person that I am feels absolutely cheated unless there's at least two feet of snow on the ground. Sometimes I just want to shake my fist at the air and tell it that it had better unleash a blizzard of white fluffy blankets on us or don't have winter at all.....which I probably wouldn't mind. Spring all year sounds just lovely to me.

But of course I heave a sigh and unwillingly acknowledge the necessary presence of some winter and that there are probably lovely people out there who would be heart-broken were they never again to experience the cold...although I must say I cannot imagine why...

Anyway, enough of that, I'm probably the only one I know who uses a blog to rant about the weather...

Other life happenings include college-decision making...or lack of it. I just have to admit I have no earthly idea where in this world I want to go for the next four years...The options are endless, which simply leads to a very frustrated and uncomforatable bad-decision-maker such as myself...

Then there's the fact that with every passing moment I become more and more flustered because I know I'm running out of time... Why does society demand we grow up at a certain age, and go to a certain place, and do a certain thing, all by a certain time? It doesn't seem to leave much room for individuality, does it? I mean, if we're all different why are we all expected to do the same thing at the same time? I just...don't understand...asdfghj.

Anyway, enough of depressing-frustated-complaining-Anna, how out some positivity, eh? Well, let's just say I have a roof over my head, a family that loves me, food to eat, insulation, a working heater /air conditioner, friends that love me, a LICENSE!!!! (I can drive! I can drive! I can drive!), and a beautiful, wonderful, freckle-faced, curly-red-haired date to prom. :)

What was that? I need to explain that last part? Haha well not going to happen. I don't have words.

Anyway! So yes, I have my license, the world is open to me, I am loved, I am cared for, and God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. What else could a girl possibly need?

Live well, make every second count, rely on Him through all, and have a beautiful day. Farewell.

ohmygosh...

ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh



My best friend of 7 years just got engaged. ...ENGAGED!

OH MY GOSH!

aseyiasdghsdfhksdfajfsdjfdshjfsdgfsdagfdsjgfsd

Did I mention I'm her maid of honor??

And the first friend she told???



ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh

Spring time

A poem in honor of my favorite season. I can't wait for it to come.


Lolli-pops
tube tops
friends and smiles
worth your while
sunshine bright
flooding light
mysteriously attractive
urge to be active
calling my name
as if its a game
green grass
times past
nostalgia, dreams
life as it seems
hopes and ambitions
no inhibitions

Knightly courage
spritely personage
onward looking
run till your booking
wind chill
green hills
taking flight
such great heights
spirit soars
The Lion roars:

Shrinking fears
drying tears
encouraging teams
of exploding dreams
to giant size
a giant sighs
for being outgrown
by our simple hopes

Aspirations
dedications
the world is waiting
no ones hating
our time is now
forget the how
run like the wind
round every bend
fly in the storm
as if it were the norm
defy the rain
forget the pain

Forget all your fears
don't ask why
nor how
just know
that now

Spring-time is here.

The brokenness of man and the fabulousity of God.

I just realized Valentines day is only a month away. Last year I wrote an inspiring blog post about God's love. This year I think I'll just go into my room and cry...

If you can't tell, I'm not doing so fantastic of late....orr maybe I am. I'm  not sure.

It seems that as my highs get higher, my lows get lower. Perhaps the more I seek God and all He has for me the more the devil shoves poop in my face...

So anyway, enough about my lows, I'm not going to concede to let the devil win this round. No. Let's talk about what the most-fabulous-Man-ever is doing in my life.

Well, for starters, He's awesome. Really that's all you need to know. Haha but I'm sure you want to know why. Don't worry, I'll tell you.

He made the moon and the stars with a whisper. He tossed the sun out and blew the planets into orbit. He created the universe in a word, and simply spoke the very idea of light into existence. I mean, do you understand?? Do you really understand how ridiculously big our God is?

Okay so, remembering that, this Guy, this too-amazing-for-words God, not only creates the universe, the light, the stars, and the earth, but He takes the time to painstakingly fashion every single part of you in the womb. All the while knowing what every single moment of your life would look like, down to the constantly changing number of hairs on your head. Yeah. That's how much He cares about you.

Crazy right?! That the bigger we understand Him to be, the more awesome His love for us becomes! He's so awesome. I only wish the English language could even begin to scratch the surface of how awesome/amazing/breath-taking/ginormous/etc.. our God is.

*happy sigh* Anyway, it's good to remember all that. It inspires true fear of the Lord while at the same time revealing the greatness of His love for us.

So don't forget: You are loved. By a ferocious, righteous, merciful, loving, judge. King of Kings, and LORD of Lords. Amen.

Hot Chocolate

Brown and Fuzzy
Warming me down to my toes.
Wiggling those same appendages
Smiling away all my woes.

I went to the orthodontist today...poetic oppurtunity? I think yes.

Tick tock
I hear a clock
invisible unseen
Shifting glances
moving bodies
Next!
drills
a movie plays
Lights glare
people stare
enter your name
wait
wait
Next!
wait
wait
Then hear my name
get up
to wait some more
wait
My name again
awkward glances
stiff conversation
lowering
cowering
drills
poky things
hands in my mouth
how am I supposed to answer your questions with your hands in my mouth?!?
smell latex
taste latex
jerk
prod
poke
cought my lip
poke again
OW!
sorry
oops
-__-
wait
different latexed
hands
same mouth
mine.
grrurgh
how were your holidays?
mffghhrgulre
thats nice
orders
pain
stiffness
tensing
over
more pain
stiff tensing
concentration
over
done yet?
laughter
-__-

Standing.
Alone in sea of faces.
A sea of stories, jokes, and laughter.
A sea of which I was not invited.
I am sinking.

The whole world's an inside joke
of which I am standing
outside looking in
wondering
what it would feel like
to be normal.

They turn on me.
I'm noticed now!
But accepted?
Hoo Hah.
They are not the same thing.

Words peirce like daggers
shattering the fragile skin and bones
of my heart.

And it's all a joke.
In a moment it's over.
But the words hang in my mind.
Like moldy wet clothes.
The world has moved on
left me holding its insults
in the guises of sarcasm and jokes.
And "No offense"s.

Am I always to be the bunt of somebody's joke?
With sharp tipped word-arrows
supposedly dulled by a thin covering
of chocolate coated
"You know we don't really mean it."s

Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words will peirce forever

A post for you [a boy I once knew]

I've been thinking about you more often lately.

I'm not sure why. For a while there my head was a clear as the sky and my heart as free as a bird.
But lately fate has seen fit to return me to those seemingly forgotten memories that were actually just stored up in the back of my head.

It's not so much painful longing as it used to be. In the days when my heart still felt as though it were chained to yours, a long ways away, yet constantly yanking my thoughts and tugging on my emotion, weighing me down.

No, now it's more like... a thoughtful mulling, dull wishing, uncertainly remembering, detatched sadness, thoughtful reminiscing, I can't quite pin the word. It's like it's not so much that it hurts to remember, because it doesn't... Well ok, that's a lie. Sometimes it still hurts. But not like it did... No, it's more like acceptance of what has passed, mixed with slight sadness that it's all over, mixed with happy memories, mixed with uncertainty of what lies ahead...

That was terrible. I've never been so at a loss to describe how I feel.

...I'm not gonna post this. This will stay a draft of thoughts. Like a letter never sent. Yes, that's what this shall be.

So how are you? Are you happy, safe, well, comfortable, ... loved by someone new?

Pshh, who am I kidding. Of course you're loved by someone new, probably several. Probably even several you don't even know about.

... I was thinking about you today. Mostly because I saw someone that looked very similar to you.... except he had a mustache ...

. . . don't grow a mustache.

Anyway, he did the same thing with his mouth as you do sometimes. Turning his lips in and pressing them together as he walked. I guess I never really consciously noticed that about you...but here I am recalling it whilst staring at a stranger. I notice strange things...

I can't help but wonder how you would treat me if you saw me now. I mean, if you saw me tomorrow, would you talk to me? Would you be awkward around me? Would you come up and joke as if nothing had ever happened? I think that's the thing I would prefer least. I'd rather you'd ignore me than that...that way at least I know you still acknowledge what happened between us and that you still think about it. That you haven't completely written off the small mark I made in the story of your life...

Do you ever think about me? Do you ever see a girl that reminds you of me and are momentarily saddened with an onslaught of memories? That happens to me sometimes... Are you ever reminded of my existence? Do you ever pause and give me thought? Are you ever ladened with memories of my laugh, my eyes, my voice, or the feel of my body relaxing into your arms?

Achlghg. Who am I kidding. If you were ladened with memories of past girls you've been with you'd have a thousand moments saddening you a day. And you are so full of life and fun, you must have learned somehow to extirpate yourself of those things. You were probably completely rid of my presence in your head the week afterwards... after that night...

... were you?

are you?

Do you ever remember?

Long?


Feel?

ahdkahjsd. I carry too much hope.