A girl's mind.

My heart was beating faster than...well...I'm not quite sure. Faster than something that beats really really fast.

We were walking side by side and I had my arm down. Why was my arm down. That's dumb I never walk like that. It was just hanging there limply kinda flinging back and forth. I had never been so aware of my arm. I cast a quick glance at it hoping he wouldn't think I was looking at his side. That would be wierd.

Why did suddenly everything I was doing feel weird. I had never been so aware of every part of my body doing something awkward. I tried to picture what I looked like, but I was so nervous and self-conscious that the picture in my head turned out lookng more alien than human. I shuddered out the image and tried not to be so aware.

Then his arm accidentaly brushed mine.

A shock wave traveled through my entire body, centering itself low in my stomache. A deep comforatable yet queasy nervous feeling lasted for a few second and slowly died off. I struggled to gain control of myself. Certainly it wasn't rational to feel something so strongly after just having brushed elbows.

I wanted to smack myself but I figured that would look even more awkward than I already did. I was about to take a deep breath but quickly thought better of it. He might think that I was sighing and ask me what was wrong. And then I'd have to explain that I was just calming my nerves and well....that would also get awkward.

It was in the midst of all these over-thought-through thoughts that it happened. It all happened very fast but time slowed it down unbeareably slow.

I felt something touch my pinky finger, and then the next finger, and the next. I was shocked, confused, puzzled... and every other word for surprised. Then I realized...

He was trying to hold my hand. He started to grab it and the feeling I had felt earlier in my stomache multiplied itself by a thousand. A tremor ran through my body and immediately I snapped my hand back.

Wait, did I just snap my hand back? The tremor running through my body created a jerk reaction much like burning your hand on a stove. Except he was't a stove! He was just trying to hold my hand!

Aggggghhhhh!!!!

I couldn't apologize now. I couldn't just say,

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to jerk my hand away."

That would be too weird! Of course I meant to jerk my hand away! Wait.... I meant to jerk my hand away?

What?

I mean, subconsciously I must have. Something in me must have been saying to not led him hold your hand. It's too fast, he hasn't even said to you that he likes you yet. Let things play out as their supposed to. Make him wait a little bit.

I listened to this stream of sub-conscious thought play out loud and clear in my head for the first time. It made sense. ...In my head.

But then that other part of me, my heart I guess? Just said:

"That's stupid! You could have held his hand! For the first time in your life you could have held a boy's hand!! Idiot!! Why'd you jerk away??????

I wanted to smack myself again...or at least smack the logical part of myself that made me jerk away.

But then that logical side jumped right back and started giving me even more reasons backing up what I had done.

I wanted to tell both sides to just shut up and let me think. But then I realized that I had almost said it out loud...that would have been weirdest of all.

I immediately calmed all my thoughts for fear of doing something stupid and looked up. He wasn't at my side anymore. He had moved further up in the group.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid girl.

Now I'd driven him off.

Great.

Then suddenly a thought came to me.

Wait, he just tried to hold my hand...he wanted to hold my hand! My hand! He liked me!!! He really liked me!!!!

aaaaaahhhhhhh! :D